I'm no conspiracy theorist, but.....

This oil rig disaster is just a wee bit too much of a coincidence, don't ya think? Just a bit too convenient for the tree huggin' enviros who have been going cuckoo for cocoa nuts at the very thought of offshore drilling. The Obama 4th Reich is on the verge of having an energy epiphany, a come to Jesus meetin' with the cold hard realities of our Islam controlled oil dependence and is starting to at least mouth the words, kinda, of off-shore drilling and now, KABOOM!! - all of a sudden we have the worst oil spill since the Exxon Valdez right off the coast of the Nation's best beach and fishing spots? - and Haliburton is involved in it? This is an absolute conspiracy nut enviro wackjob wet dream come true!

A Hollyweird script writer couldn't have dreamed up a better disaster flick. It has all the elements necessary to keep the average mush brained social activist glued to her couch, literally repelling in mortal fear at the thought of the environmental catastrophe unfolding before her puffy, pot filled eyes. It has the villain- the big oil company. It has the victim - the defenseless, helpless environment, mommy Earth and all it's cuddly wuddly creatures. It has intrigue. Could it have been sabotage? And best of all, it has politics. Oh boy.

It also has all the same elements, unfortunately, to keep the news media on super hype overdrive 24/7.….for months and years. Fox Snooze is all over it, of course. It’s the friggin’ mother of all mediagasms. The “Shep” is calling it, well, the worst catastrophe since the beginning of, well, mankind!!! It will last, well,  for years!!! It will destroy the entire fishing industry of the entire southern United States...well...FOREVER!!!! Maybe the entire ATLANTIC COAST! AARRGH!!!!!

......And now for a commercial break.....and when we come back, well, more CATASTROPHE IN THE MAKING!!!!!!! (cue really dramatic music and  oily dead bird graphics).

Well, it is bad. The media hype, and the spill too. Have you ever tried to babe watch on a beach with little globules of oily tar all over? It gets in your toes, on your sand shovel...on your beer can, your mirror shades. Up your ass....OK, I can't really attest to that last item, but I suspect it would. And, let's not forget the poor, helpless creatures….and their filthy, oily bikinis! OH!

So, how did it actually catch on fire? There are survivors. Can they talk? Why haven't they been questioned? Well, of course they have been questioned, so the question should be why haven't we heard what they said? Oh yeah, there's been an investigation launched. Obama sent a SWAT team down there to arrest anyone that looks like a rich Tea Bagger and to gather evidence of regulation violations by Haliburton.  (cue evil villain music). Our esteemed Secretary of Homeland inSecurity, Janet “the system worked” Napolitano is oh her way down there to survey the situation. I expect her to report any time now that the system worked and that everything is under control….and eh, “does anyone have a Happy Meal or a donut? I’m starved!”

I don’t know about everyone else out there, but I just get this warm and fuzzy feeling of security and well being every time I see that woman approach the microphone and brief the country on how the government is doing all it can to protect us. She is a real …..piece of work.